My Trayvon Moment

So I had been pretty quiet about the Trayvon Martin case. I felt like I didn't need to explain to the world how I felt; it was more important to explain to my son why people would single him out...think the way they did about him etc. This was a "home" moment. However, after hearing that Trayvon himself called 911, it made me think about what exactly was killing my spirit about this situation.

I remember the Rodney King trial. I grew up in Orange County, CA...LA is 15 minutes away. I can remember coming home from school and watching the Channel 7 news when the verdict was read. I had not ever in my life felt like a "nigger" until that point. That was my ah ha moment. And than the looting began...

I cannot describe 20 years later how horrible it was seeing the smoke...watching the news of the looters. What damage they would create. What permanent damage the whole incident created in my life. My boyfriend at the time was sent out to Orange County to spend the night because his house was right in the middle of things. Friends were no longer friends of mine because of it. Like I said...I was now "just a nigger"...

So out of the madness, I found Spike Lee movies. I helped start a black student union at my high school. I choose my college based on how many Black students attended. I tried to figure out how to be Black in America.

Fast forward 20 years. Trayvon. I now have an eleven year old stepson. His mom is Mexican. I'm having to explain SB 1070 and this bullshit to him. When we talked this weekend, he asked me "did he get killed because of racism or bullying?". After a pause, I said both. Because this child was stalked (bullying) and killed because he was Black. I can't wax poetic about it. That is the bottom line.

So though his father and I work hard to provide a certain life for him, in the eyes of society...he's just a nigga. My concern for him gets more and more complex the older he gets because while I want him to enjoy growing up, I need him to realize that not everyone sees him as a kid. Some people view his hoodie buddy's as a threat. They view him as a threat.

I have many males in my family and while I see them as cute and sweet...society is still seeing them negatively. As a parent...as a woman...as a Black person...I don't know how to raise them to be anything other than themselves. I do not want to stifle who they are. I don't want to teach them to hate anyone based on their color. To be concerned with how the world sees them. I want them to be free to be them. Isn't this the same things our forefathers wanted though?!!

I have no solution. I have no solid answer for my son. All I have is love and compassion and knowledge to share with him. All I can do is love him and hope that the best in life is what is in store for him. And while that's beautiful...it may not bring him home tonight.

Charity Starts at Home

Let me start by saying that I downloaded Charity Starts at Home at the same time that I got The Wonder Years, so I haven’t listened to either separately yet. He really should have charged more than $8 for this….

I was a little apprehensive about what a solo project from Phonte would sound like. Was it going to be Authenticity part two? The Minstrel Show minus Pooh?

What he gave his fans was the same honest lyrics whether he sang or was rapping. I’m a lyrics fanatic so I have to applaud the feeling behind Dance in the Reign and The Life of Kings. He seems to effortlessly speak from his heart and you can’t help but relate in some way. This album is a great representation of why he has been instrumental in two outstanding groups.

If you’re a fan from the Little Brother days, you won’t be disappointed. We Go Off with Pharaoh Monch and Eternally with Median remind you that indeed, there are quality lyricists still doing it. If you were introduced via Foreign Exchange, you can appreciate the relaxed, two-stepping vibe of Gonna Be a Wonderful Night with Carlitta Durand. To Be Yours (I haven’t read the credits yet but it’s clearly a Zo! production) is a beautiful ballad. I’m not sure too many other artists could pull off an album with all of these different styles of music that just makes sense like this one.

My favorite though? Who Loves You More with Eric Roberson. “Make a living or have a life? I guess I have to choose one.” “I got a room and a microphone and a family I ain’t seen in months. I play this record a million times just hoping you’ll listen once. “

New Tigallo, New Tigallo….thank you.

Jr's Birthday Lesson

This weekend we celebrated my kids 11th birthday by letting him have his first slumber party. He had a small group of 5 boys that partied and ate up e’erything in my house…all weekend. It was epic (for an 11 year old).

I won’t go into the boring parental details, but the lesson I learned from it has stood out so much than I needed to write it down. Who knows how many more opportunities I’ll have like this in his life since he’s like a little man these days?

One of the things I have understood early on in being in his life (I came into the picture when he was 5) was that he appreciates experiences way more than things. Now don’t get me wrong…he digs things too. He’s a Jordan fanatic, Lego’s make me go broke and he’s discovered his “style” of clothing. I took him on his first plane trip to California for a cousin’s birthday and the look on his face when I dropped him back at his mom’s was priceless. Like he had had so much fun that he didn’t want to leave me. That’s what I cherish the most. He was the same even with our recent trip to bury my Grandfather. My nephew saw him and went nuts! Lol…He loves Jr like you wouldn’t believe.

I work to be able to afford for him to be comfortable. I take him places so that he realizes that there’s more to life than the blocks between McDowell and 44th St. I take random days off in the summer so we can watch movies and put put around Phoenix. I buy him clothes so he looks nice when we’re out and he has an appreciation for nice things rather than dickies and a polo. I take him to get his hair cut so when he’s older he knows where to go and how to ask for what he wants. I buy him little stanky cologne stuff so hopefully he’ll know the difference between Axe and Burberry when he’s a man. I take him on hot dates so he knows how to act when he goes to restaurants with his friends.

Life experience’s is what we as parents should be showing our kids. It’s the meat and potatoes of life. Yes you need to teach values and integrity, etc. But how to live life? That’s a skill that needs to be developed early and often. I don’t want him to sit on the couch in my house eating Hot Cheetos playing video games while life is passing him by. I want him to know what a good time is and how to make that happen for him. I will continue to do what I can to make sure that he has these things because he needs them. We all need positive experiences in our lives. Moments that celebrate us and who we are. People pausing to say “Happy Birthday”.

When I was dropping him back off yesterday I was thinking “Man, I remember when he got that look on his face like he had had the time of his life and didn’t want to leave. He’s too old for that now”. As I gave him and hug and sent him to his mom, he looked back at me again with that same look from when he was little. Lol…I cried all the way home. SCORE!!

Home

So 2011 has ushered in a new experience for me….death. My grandfather passed away April 3. He’s the first person that I’ve lost that I’ve been close to. I am having the most difficult time trying to accept that he’s gone. He was something so stable and strong and alive and vibrant in my life. You never realize how impactful people are until they’re gone.

I got a bbm from my cousin asking when I had seen Papa last. It had been over a year. He basically told me I needed to get home to see him soon. Now, my Dad and sister hadn’t mentioned anything about him being sicker than usual. I knew Papa was getting old….My mother had sent me a message saying that he was talking about his life as if it was ending. But I didn’t believe that it really was. But the bbm scared me. I flew home that day.

I had the best time with my cousin. We didn’t grow up together so it was nice to hang out and have lunch. And cry together because we knew something wasn’t right. I got to the hospital and my grandfather just looked….he didn’t look good. The way my Grandma was further alerted me to some issues. My Daddy was there reading a paper…chilling. They acted like everything was ok, but Papa didn’t look ok to me. I finally broke down and pulled Dad out into the lobby to cry. He knew…but didn’t want to admit that Papa wasn’t doing well.

I stayed by my grandfather’s side as much as I could without seeming concerned. He was fussing about
Charlie Sheen. He told me to give him some suga on the way out. For some reason I stayed and gave him another kiss before I left. I just didn’t want to let him go. On the way to my grandparents house, I couldn’t stop yapping because I couldn’t help thinking that this is what is was going to be like. My dad driving Grandma around. Grandma being in the house by herself.

On the way home I couldn’t stop crying. I knew I’d never see my grandfather again. I literally cried from the minute the plane left LAX and landed in Phoenix. When I got home, I thought of all these great things I wanted to tell my papa before he passed away. I called him every week until he passed away 3 weeks later. I never told him what I needed to.

I wasn’t surprised, but was hurt just the same. Now 3 months later I’m still trying to come to grips with the fact that my Papa is no longer with us. He did everything he could to make his passing easy for us…no funeral, requested to be cremated to avoid a burial, etc. And I’m thankful for all of that…but I can’t find a way to say good bye.

He was who I used to talk history with. He was funny. He was a strong soul. He was the backbone of our family. He wasn’t perfect by any means…but he was the best grandfather I could have ever asked for. He bought my first bike…bought our piano so his girls could learn to play. He made sure we grew up with both of our parents when my parents weren’t sure. He was the best blessing I could have ever had.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok with him not being here. I know he’s with me. I have a lot of his traits I know that he avoided a lot of pain, but I still wish he were here…I wish I could get one more hug or hear him fuss about one more thing. He impacted my life and I’m so thankful that he was mine.

Why Effort Is So Important To Me

I’m not sure if I notice the level of effort because of my age or just that lately it seems people don’t understand the value of it, but effort is what sustains so much in our lives. Effort is required at work, in your home (#nohoarding), with friends, family and yourself. I just can’t see how your life can be happy or fulfilled without effort to make it so.

I was chatting with someone on Twitter the other day about how people don’t date anymore. It seems that the effort to really get to know someone is a lost art that not too many people are interested in revisiting. So many folks would rather jump into a “relationship” (sex) and hope that things work out rather than taking the time to get to know the person first. Not everyone is for you; not every personality is going to work with yours. And that’s ok. Just figure that out pre-sexual encounter. Also, when you finally settle into a relationship, continue to grow that friendship and romance by going on dates. When you’ve been with someone for awhile, it’s more about time away from the daily grind than needing to be impressed. I don’t want to be impressed. I want to get out of the house. Lol…again…effort to keep the love alive.

Effort is also important in relationships with your family and friends. Sure they love you, but that doesn’t mean that they require less effort in terms of staying in contact and showing an interest in their lives. I committed to calling my grandparents once a month this year. My first phone calls were phenomenal and made me feel like hell. These were the people that had no problem helping to raise me, watch me when I was sick and pick me up from school when I was too little to walk home by myself. All they want is to say hi and make sure I’m doing well. My lack of effort in checking in on them was pathetic. The same can be said with friends. If you don’t make the effort to check in every now and then I guarantee they’ll check out at some point. Life isn’t about accumulating acquaintances; it’s about developing lasting relationships with people who will love and support you. So support and show love back.

One thing that I stress (to the point of sounding like a broken record) to my son is that I expect him to do great things with his life. To accomplish this, he needs to put effort in now with school and his extracurricular activities. The desire to do well and have a winning mentality will carry him far. In work, I try to do the best I can if for no other reason than less emails and visits from upper management. You can’t stay under the radar if you’re constantly effin up. People take notice of the effort you put into you; your work, the way you keep yourself up, the way you interact with people. It’s all a part of how you carry yourself and people are attracted to those who carry themselves well. I know I tend to want to get to know co-workers who seem on the ball rather than ones who act like they don’t care or seem to be there for a reason other than work.

In conclusion, effort is what is going to determine what type of day you have, what type of relationships you have, if you’re able to have people come over your house (#nohoarding) and whether you accomplish goals you set out for in life. If you don’t do anything else, put some effort into you and to those who put effort into knowing you.

Networking or Self Medicating

I have to share this story…if for no other reason than to remind myself that everyone is not for me and to be cautious of whom I allow myself to deal with.

Many moons ago, I was a member of an online site. I met some really nice people and some not quite right people. The experience stays with me as I continue to log into sites like Twitter and Facebook. The site had a blog feature which I loved because I was able to write random bits about topics ranging from relationships to football to political topics. From writing, I met a group of people who commented on my blogs and the networking began.

There are certain levels of popularity online and the attention can come from a variety of things such as intelligence, talent, looks or lunacy. What I discovered however is the lunatics tend to trump anything else. While I had a pretty good following for my blogs, there was an undercurrent of madness that I was just too naïve to see. I appreciated people’s comments and it encouraged me to write. Well, I became friends with a woman due to some unforeseen issues (hot mess). We got to know each other, learned about our families etc.

After awhile, we stopped talking as much because I was busy and her blog/posts seemed a little…well erratic. One minute she was praising God and the next she was threatening to “go off”. Never really understood online beef, so I distanced myself.

Long story short…we fell out quite publicly. So glad it happened because I learned so much from the experience. Here are some tips I learned:

If you are online all of the time, how are you raising your family or focusing on your career? The clue I’ve now learned is if someone is talking about their “real life” something ain’t right. Your reality can and should include any online activity.

When the things you post online range from “I love the Lord” to “I’m gonna fuck you up” there is a problem. The best thing you can do is recognize the instability. I think social networking has become a new means for people with mental health issues to self medicate rather than seeking professional help. I have seen so many “I’m going to kill myself” messages as well as known of people who actually did it. Rather than encouraging help…real help, people would rather rally behind them. Someone who’s bi polar doesn’t need to hear that they are pretty; they need someone to love them enough to get them help.

Side note: My biggest pet peeve online is people encouraging poor behavior or “going in” on people. Sometimes all a crazy soul needs is encouragement to continue to be nuts rather than facing their real issues and seeking help. Mental health issues are serious and should be treated as such. At some point, it’s just not funny anymore.

I have never understood women who have no women friends. This extends to people in general. If you don’t have friends in your real life…why not put the phone down and enjoy life? Turn off the computer and look someone in the eye?! I’m pretty heavy on Twitter, but I’ve got a pretty solid group of friends and family as well.

People are only going to share what they want. Recognize and respect their right to do so. People don’t owe you a thing. If they’re married and don’t tell you, that’s their choice. If they only come on every blue moon, that’s completely their business. If they choose not to interact with you, so be it. Everyone is not for you. Everyone does not have the same purpose when they log on. And that’s ok. By the same token, protect yourself and your life. Don’t give all your info to someone you’ve never met. It’s just not safe or worth it.

As for internet dating: PROTECT YA NECK! Lol….I’ll do a separate post for this. It can be a beautiful thing or trauma. Also, completely up to you.

In conclusion, I am still a heavy social networker. I’ve made great friends, genuine friends online. I think that online just like life is what you put into it. I’ve gotten great music, TV and movie reviews, found some loyal Cowboys fans (yes!!) and been able to find another medium to communicate with my friends and family. But like all things, use at your own risk.

What Are You Mixed With?

UGH!!!! I absolutely hate that question! It is a question that I have been asked all of my life and to tell you the truth, I’m starting to get really annoyed with. I haven’t figured out if this is a geographic dilemma or people with no filter, but it is just not an appropriate question to ask…especially of people that you do not know.

Now don’t get me wrong…I am proud of all that I am, but if you are not in a position for it to ever really matter in your own personal life…why ask? Trust me…if you get to know me, you will soon discover what my ethnic combo is.

Let me replay my conversation yesterday. I was in training with about 20 other people. All of a sudden my neighbor (a sistah) leans over and asks who does my hair. I explained that I do it myself. Then she asks what kind of shampoo I use. Ummm…Pantene. Next thing I know she’s asking what I’m mixed with and who is what. Apparently, she’s dating a white guy and wanted some hair pointers if she ended up having kids with him. So many issues with this convo besides the fact that I was embarrassed.

First of all, I’m not black and white…so the chances of your kid having the same hair texture as me is slim to none. Second, you’re female. We will never have kids together, so how exactly does my background effect you? And finally, why are you asking me to explain who I am to you. Because my ethnicity, my family is who I am.

I have yet to meet one person of mixed decent who thinks this question is appropriate or ok. It’s offensive and ignorant. Please understand… we are people too. We don’t want people walking up to “pet” our hair, compare our skin coloring to yours or think we’ll co-sign on interracial dating just because both our parents aren’t black. Very few of us have hair complexes…well at least I don’t so discussing whether or not my hair can actually grow is mad ignorant.

I do feel different, but not because of what color my parents are…it’s because of who they are. WHO my family is. I don’t care what my hair looks like 90% of the time and I tan to even myself out. This doesn’t make me special and I’m tired of people trying to set me apart because of it. The divide has occurred pretty much all of my life and it hasn’t been all positive. I have had people not want to be my friend because I’m not “black enough”; I have had guys want me to have their baby because “our kids will have good hair”.

I hope that people take the time to really think before opening their mouths to ask “What are you?” I’m a human being that would appreciate you using some sort of filter before you open your mouth in the future.

Please and thank you.

The (Potential) Power of Ping

Why would you sign up for Ping?? That’s the question that lots of Apple and iTunes users have been asking in addition to artists. Ping is Apple’s version of Facebook/Twitter that allows people to network on their iTunes platform. The idea seems lofty; people are heavily using the other sites currently. To add another network would be to build up your followers all over again. Apple however has the benefit of being the proprietor of the largest record store on the planet. That power can be a blessing and a curse.
So let us dissect this a little bit….
Currently there is way more cons to the service than pros. One huge issue I have as a music fan is that many of the “indie artists” that I love do not have pages. They will need to be invited by Apple first. Twitter and Facebook don’t require this. The artists that have pages are obviously being handled by the labels rather than personally which again takes away the true networking that could be accomplished by the actual artists interacting. Also, the layout starts to get really cluttered after awhile. I can’t imagine what it will look like once people really start using the service. There is no clear benefit of adding friends versus artists or both. Concerns I have are royalty and packaging/pricing issues that Apple has historically had. I do not purchase from iTunes when I know that the artists are being shortchanged in any way. I would hope that Apple works this out to the artists’ benefit before this really gets going.
The pros that I see are in the potential of the service. If music blog sites (maybe even rather than artists themselves) utilized ping, it would allow you to explore the artists that are highlighted with links to previous/other work that they’ve done. What I love about iTunes is that you enter and artist and anything they are credited on will populate. Another pro of blog sites using the service would be getting a more personalized music experience based on the music you like which could in turn offer more selection combining the sites offerings with Genius. As a consumer, I am much more interested in variety. Having artist specific pages is encouraging the Stan mentality rather than musical diversity.
Another benefit would be adding a “one stop shop” for frequent readers of said blogs. If I had access to say “Grown Folks Music” on ping, I could see and shop all in one location. It would be in lieu of the websites or even Twitter and Facebook, but in addition to. I would also like to see DJ’s using ping more to highlight some of the artists that they incorporate into their mixes.
I realize that this is new technology and Apple has consistently shown that they will continue to revamp a product until its perfect so I have no fear that in maybe the next few months this will be a product I will use more. I just hope that they listen to both the indie artists and the fans in opening up their social network…so we can indeed network.

It’s so cold in the D…

I’ve been slipping on my music reviews, but I must say…DETROIT STAND UP!!! Three bangers in the month of July/August. Dwele, Zo! and Slum Village put out some fantastic music that renewed my ears and soul.

So let me start off with Dwele’s Want.World.Women. It’s a little bit different that he’s usually pattern. More up tempo joints on this album, but he still has the lyrical content that defined his last three records. Another plus is the horns…oh the horns!!! Lol…classic stuff. Favorite tune right now has got to be “Dodging Your Phone” with David Banner. Nice mid tempo song with the horns blaring. He has the usual collaboration with Slum Village that’s also nice. He has a soulful vibe that you can ride out to.

Next up is Zo! I found out about him when he released “Just Visiting Too…” as a free EP on Twitter. I liked it, but I must say he outdid himself on SunStorm! Even the songs I wouldn’t normally like, I love. I am a huge fan of melodies and good/great lyrics. He has both. The vocals are all fantastic! Phonte, Yazarah, Sy Smith, Darien Brockington, Eric Roberson…just to name a few…really showed up and showed out on this project. Again, being a huge melody fan “SunStorm” and “ Flight of the Blackbyrd” are my current favorites. Honestly speaking though…the entire album is a winner. He definitely makes me regret not taking more piano lessons. It’s a beautiful album. Only warning…”Make Love 2 Me” may create some babies…be careful!!

Lastly is Slum Village. Oh Slum V….I really hope this is not their last album. This album, like Little Brother, just confirmed to me why they need to keep on keeping on. Where to start with Villa Manifesto?!! “Scheming”…I’m speechless, yet rock out to this song daily. Phife?!! Plug 1?!! SICK!! …if I only I knew just where to start…!! “Earl Flinn” makes me want to find somebody’s club and shake my ass. “Don’t Fight The Feeling” is slightly reminiscent of the De La-Nike Run joint but dope nonetheless. This is a solid album. You will not be fast forwarding any of it (unless u like garbage music…then this isn’t for you). What I got from this album is a renewed love of hip hop….it reminded me that there are still groups and artists out there that really understand putting together solid tracks and lyrics. That the flow matters.

I also got the new Roots joint “How I Got Over”. It’s The Roots though. They always put out classic music. No need to reiterate what everyone already knows.
Real music and hip hop is alive and well. Thank you Detroit!!

Living My Life Like its Golden…And The Importance of Passing That On

So for my 35th birthday, I made a promise to myself to live my life like its Golden (Queue Jilly from Philly). I make time for what I have to do rather than making time for things that I want to do. My weekend routine is just that…a routine. During the week is work and school. And don’t get me started with my life when my kid is playing sports! I decided that now would be a great time to add a little “me time” into the equation.

I grew up ripping and running the freeways of southern California with my older sister and my mom. My dad skipped the weekend shopping trips and random museum visits, but he was always there for our family vacations and road trips up and down the coast. What I never realized is how much effort my parents put into plotting and planning activities for us. I never saw how those times we spent in the car, airplanes and hotels brought us closer as a family.

Confession: I’m from Los Angeles. I believe/know that it is THE best city on the planet for a multitude of reasons such as access to culture and events. See previous blog post for how I felt about Arizona and hanging out possibilities.

I started talking to co workers about hiking as I’m surrounded by tons of mountains. I was told by friends that there was no way I’d get on any mountain and walk around. So just for that…Jr and I hit South Mountain. We had no clue what we were doing and our legs shook for about 30 minutes afterwards, but we had such a great time!! So I decided that we would continue to hike as a team on the weekends. And so it began….adding a life into my routine.

What I didn’t expect was how tiring golden living is! Lol! I am so used to a routine of work, taking my son to practice and games and errands that actually adding me having a life really drains me. Now I’m getting invited to things and even though my instinct is to say no, I go because I never want to get into the rut of just going day by day again.

I have to keep going…have to continue to get out and see things and experience life. It helps that I bring my son with me for a lot of things so he can live his little 9 year old life like its golden as well. I realize that by him getting in the habit of living life that it is something he’ll continue to do as he gets older. And that would be the icing on the cake for me. Living life to its fullest is the best lesson I can leave him.

It's a Child's Right Too!!!

I have a few male friends who have children that they would love to raise. However, because of the fact that they are no longer with the mother of their children, they have had to fight for the right to actively participate in their kids' lives. They don't want to cut a check or have funds taken out of their check. They want what every parent should have; the ability to see their children grow up and have a say in who their kids grow up to be.

Is our legal system bias? Well, of course. Why? Because our laws make assumptions about who is the more responsible and nurturing between men and women. But not all women fall into the category of "good mothers" just like not all men fall into the category of "good fathers". So how do we make a determination that really benefits these children?

What's so heartbreaking to me is that while these fathers (that I know personally) love their children and really, truly want a hand in the raising of their seed, our system just requires that they cut a check. That's great that the child support helps the mother with rent, but having a father figure in these children's lives will effect them in only the most positive ways. And especially with fathers who WANT to be dad's...not just the every other weekend type dudes...its speaks volumes about the men that they are.

As a non-child bearing parent (ask me later), I can only pray that my friends and other men out there that want to raise their children get the opportunity to be more than a check. I'm not turning my face to the bum baby daddy's...I realize they exist just like the bum baby mama's exist. But if you have adults who love and nurture these children...let them raise the babies!!! Why make life harder than it should be for all parties involved?!

So to my friends who are fighting, who will fight and who have won...thank you for being an active participant in the raising of your children! Let me know if you need me!

Happy Valentine’s Day Ya’ll!!

I love music. I love holidays celebrating the love I have for the people in my life. And I love connecting music to my experiences with those folk. So here is a brief list of some of my favorite love songs. Some I like because of the lyrics, some for the tone of the song…other’s for how I feel when listening. I tried to add the music that you have most likely never heard but should. Purposely left Jilly from Philly out because...well...its a no brainer! And these are in no particular order. Enjoy!!

Old Lovas – Dwele – Some Kinda
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOal2RkFvco

Angel – Anita Baker – The Best of Anita Baker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaVsQlEldzg

The Point Of It All – Anthony Hamilton – The Point Of It All
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h0rD2Q0A9k

When Will You Call – Bilal – First Born Second
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9CP6j8j6hY

All You’ve Given – Carl Thomas – Let’s Talk About It

Break It Down – Eric Roberson – Music Fan First

Orange Moon – Erykah Badu – Mama’s Gun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ROOfKwm0o8

I Wanna Know – Foreign Exchange – Leave It All Behind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8WCwf4pVF4

Come Around – Foreign Exchange – Connected
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWbyYAQXZa0

Higher Than This – Ledisi – Turn Me Loose
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9E4nExa38o

Stop The World – Maxwell –BLACKsummer’s Night
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRjNzC-kkVc

I Can’t Help It – Michael Jackson – Off The Wall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnhWML43NI8

She Lives In My Lap – OutKast – The Love Below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ksls1sxwz30

Complexity – The Roots – Phrenology
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYTtL45dJz0

Day Dreaming - Saunders Sermons – Classic Delight

Lifetime – Usher – Here I Stand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nbcm51Todg

Right On Time…

I received an email today based on a T.D. Jakes sermon…all I remember though was him saying that he’s great at good-byes. That being able to recognize people’s part in your story being done is God given. I’ve always felt this way, but it was articulated much better by Jakes.

“You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.”

We tend to want to hold on to old relationships because of the history we share with folks not realizing or understanding that their purpose in your life…and really yours in theirs is a done dada. What makes us want to hold on to fake relationships? I’ve had plenty of conversations with “old” friends and leave feeling frustrated because of issues such as them being stuck in ruts, not making moves to make their life better, or just no emotional growth from when I first met them. And then I feel bad because I’ve kept my life moving.
But that’s what we’re supposed to do…keep moving. Progressing. Living our lives as best we can. And part of making that happen requires reaching up to people who are where you want to be. And letting go of the crabs that try to keep you where you were. Don’t get me wrong…there are some old friends that you will want to keep by your side; they provide stability and a grounding that you need. But the ones who don’t really wish you well if that means doing better than them or those who have made no positive moves since the like…90’s…you’ll have to cut lose.
There is some self pride and self awareness in recognizing the people who are emotionally harmful, but if you don’t believe in yourself how are you going to get ahead in life? There is nothing cocky or conceited about wanting to be comfortable, to raise your family in the best situation you can, or reaching for your dreams. That’s why we are here. To fulfill God’s promise for our lives. To not live up to our potential because of our surroundings is to throw away our blessings. I refuse to do that. No…I am not cocky. But I want a good life. I want my son to have a great life. And that won’t happen if I bring him around people who are ok with “just getting by”. I have bigger dreams for him then that.
Being on your grind, wanting a good life, taking care of yourself and the people around you are admirable. Making mistakes are part of the plan. Get the lesson and keep pushing. Surround yourself with people who love you. And say good bye to those who no longer do.

What I Learned Watching For The Love of Ray J Season 2

Ironically, I did pick up some pointers from this “hit” reality show. Obviously, the kid wasn’t/isn’t looking for the love of his life…he’s a young cat that enjoys fame. So any woman that auditioned and really truly thought it would be more is a tad bit touched. But here are some things I did learn:

1. There is something to be said about choosing to be with someone that lives a similar lifestyle to yours now and in the future. If you value family, you probably won’t do too well with someone who values running the streets. It just won’t work. And that’s not to say either person’s position is right or wrong…it just is what it is.

2. An important factor in dating is getting to know someone…the crust of a muthasuckaJ And to do that, you need to be able to ask question, express yourself, and have fun. If it’s not fun at the dating stage, why would your expectation be that it will be better later? That’s ass backward. It should start fun and than go downhill (jokes!...kind of).

3. Involving your family members in tomfoolery such as having them meet random men/women in your life is a little/lot self defeating. You’re wasting everyone’s time. And there’s nothing more embarrassing to experience than meeting family members that you’ll never deal with again.

4. Do your best to carry yourself as best you can. Even when someone acts a monkey in a potentially public environment (like a reunion show) be enough of a lady to keep it together rather than going Maury “I TOLD you you were the father!” on folks. Bad look.

So in conclusion, though I think Ray J is a hot mess he has willing participants in his antics. And if there is a season 3…maybe I’ll watch and pick up some more pointers. Ha ha!

You're Killin Me Slowly!!!!

Today I had a very interesting chat about Crisis Generators...folks who always have something dramatic (negative) to share. Almost as if they cannot function in life without something bad happening to them. And of course...they need to share the continual stream of bad news with you. So my dilemma as I've gotten older is that I am having a hard time trying to sit and listen. My life is pretty damn good. I love and am loved by lots of folks. There isn't too much that I would change. So I find it hard to want to listen to how bad someone else's life is. I just have nothing to say. And I feel a little put out when someone thinks that to be a friend is to allow them to emotionally "dump" on you. Hey...how bout you handle that and tell me the story of you overcoming an issue rather than telling me the day to day crap your in?!! I don't know...sounds a little harsh, but that's how I feel. The most ironic part about the CG's is that they tend to be hella sensitive too. So you really can't tell them STFU without that becoming a whole other issue that at some point you'll have to address.

So what can we do about these CG's?? Here are some suggestions I think I'll try in the future:

1. When I get a whiff of the oncoming madness, I'll make sure that I am clearly not a counselor.

2. If there is a pattern of bad shit happening in their life, I will slowly walk away...with one eye open just in case.

3. I will check whatever is in my personality that would even have these folks think I would be remotely interested in dealing with all this.

4. Smile and keep it moving. How can you be mad because your life sucks and mine doesn't?!

Saunders Sermons- Classic Delight

I really don't have much to say about this guy...I think the music more than speaks for itself. It's a lovely combination of R&B and your dad's old jazz music. Definitely a breath of fresh air...exactly what I needed when I finally found out about him. If you're into credentials, watch the Roc Boys video by Jay-Z or catch him on Maxwell's new CD. Dude is fiyah....Downloads available at iTunes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cteJ-Fj279M

The Fiasco That is Tyler Vs. Spike

This topic has really interested me, especially since the 60 minute piece. I am not a fan of Tyler Perry movies; if you've seen one, you get the idea about all the rest of them. Spike, on the other hand...I have loved since the 80's when I first saw School Daze. After that, I pretty much have seen every Spike Lee movie. So I've had a few conversations with people about it and I've come to the conclusion that this really isn't about who put the "best image" of Black folks on the big screen; its more about a generational divide.

I grew up in a time when there was no hip hop...I remember when Public Enemy first came out. De La and MTV Raps. I remember how our (Black) culture changed as we as a group became more aware of who we were. Spike Lee movies were a part of that culture and supporting us being more than comedic relief. I remember the Cosby Show on Thursday's at 8pm. Different World came on as I was getting ready for college. Everything about being Black in the late 80's-early 90's was on some pro-black, educate yourself, do better, learn about where you came from type art.

Now we are in the times of Gucci Mane, BET and Tyler Perry. We're right back where we were with gang issues, our people are poorer than ever, we're reproducing at alarming rates and dying just as fast. Our images in the media are comedy...as if we don't care how we represent ourselves. So long as we get that check, I guess. This is the part were I disconnect. I just wasn't raised this way.

Where I feel the difference is is that I remember before there was a Cosby Show, before X-Clan and Boogie Down Productions, before Malcom X in the theaters. The generation right behind me were either babies or were born afterwards. I grew up with my mom and dad in the suburbs. Even though I was raised amongst non-Black people, I still grew up having a very clear idea of who I was and that was supported by the music I listened to, the TV shows I watched and the movies I saw. Sure there was some junk on too...but there was so much more.... School Daze and Different World encouraged me to go to college. Artists like Brand Nubian encouraged me to read more.
How has a Tyler Perry impacted us?

So lets do a comparison shall we???
Spike Lee hired actors that weren't "stars" yet...Laurence Fishburn, Samuel Jackson, Denzel Washington, Giancarlo Esposito, Halle Berry...These people are mega stars now with the ability to portray whatever story they would like.

Tyler Perry actors...himself, and a bunch of actors and actresses that have already been mildly successful in the past. The "new" people may get a spot on one of his TV shows, but that's about it.

Spike is from New York, but he made the best documentary on Hurricane Katrina and has followed up with the people of New Orleans. BTW, Phylis has a book of her poetry coming out. Did you know?

Tyler Perry is from New Orleans...where's a movie about that?

I don't know ya'll...I'm just rambling, but it's so obvious to me that we know better! We've done better...why in the hell are we defending us reiterating old stereotypes like we're living in pre-civil war times..."if we can make them laugh, maybe we can sneak a good message in!". I don't need to laugh to consider life or my blessings or how good God is in my life. And I'm thankful my "madea" taught me to be a lady, carry myself well and respect myself enough not to deal with people that would even think of doing me harm. So thanks Tyler, but I won't need the "grit ball" lesson. I was raised better. And thank you Spike for teaching me the it doesn't matter if I have good or bad hair, if someone's caught jungle fever and that Tawana told the truth. I appreciate you trying to make us WAAAAAAKEEEEE UPPPPPPPP!!

Get Familiar....

....QUICK! If you aren't familiar with Eric Roberson, I am sure you are familiar with tunes he has penned such as Musiq's hit song "Previous Cats" or Dwele's "Hold On". He has worked with Soul greats such as Jill Scott and Lalah Hathaway.

On his latest release, Music Fan First, he continues on the path of his previous releases with solid music and lyrics. No, this won't be played on the radio. Commercial radio isn't ready for him yet. I think "Break It Down" would probably be his best chance at a radio hit.

His collaborations prove to be a highlight of this project. The tune with Lalah Hathaway "Dealing" is one of the best songs that highlights the best of each of their voices while still staying true to great song writing. Also, "The Hunger" with E Ellington Felton illustrates how he is able to switch from sweet love songs to angst.

This is one soul album for 2009 that you do not want to sleep on...and if you haven't heard some of his earlier work, I suggest you GET FAMILIAR!

Coming to Ame...I Mean Arizona

This has been a wild 4 years here. Phoenix is so different from California, yet...the same.

It's prettier here...no smog, mountains and saguaro's (cactus) everywhere. But there's something very fundamental missing in the Valley of the Sun.

CULTURE!

I miss concerts from my favorite artists. I miss seeing Asians driving down the street instead of just in nail shops. I haven't seen an Indian (from India) since I moved.

It's so basic to those who grew up and live in areas that are culturally diverse. But here...this right here...no diversity really. We do have Native Americans in full force, but other than that, its pretty milktoast in Phoenix.

The reason I notice...and care is that there is something to be said for living amongst different cultures that elevates you. I think that diversity makes you a more well rounded person that will allow for you to function better in society. But what do you do when you live in a culturally stagnant area? How do you learn about different cultures? How do you really value you're own when there is no comparison?!

I'm thankful that I grew up in Southern California; that I chose to spend a good portion of my 20's in LA learning more about other people. It helped develop a tolerance and appreciation that I wouldn't have received otherwise. And say what you want about LA, but the tolerance and understanding that I have about gay and lesbian issues go way beyond my drinking days in WeHo. It helped open my eyes to more than skin color diversity issues.

I love living here. I love that I have a better quality of life. That I can afford to live. Broke in Arizona is a whole other broke than in California. So though I believe I made a smart choice to relocate...I'll always consider LA my home.

When I Fell In Love With Football

...it was in Vegas. I dated a guy who was a gambler. We used to drive to Vegas every other Sunday so he could place his bets (legally!). We'd spend all day in the sports books. And by all day, I mean from the first game all the way to the last on Sundays! I had a choice...either gamble the little bit of money I had or sit and watch with him.

...So I started paying attention. First, to find the teams I wanted to bet on, but eventually certain teams caught my attention. I saw an interview with Terry Glenn and starting paying more attention to the Cowboys. I wasn't a fan yet...but the fact that they are America's team and even in horrible season's always seemed to fight really had me cheering for them.

...Its been almost 10 years and though I watch football waaay more now than I did back than, I still appreciate their tenacity (though I think letting T.O. go was the stupidest thing they've done). I think this will be a garbage season, but I'm still going to cheer, watch every game I can and have my Cowboys Christmas tree up!!

...I'm not a stat geek...I really don't care about the specific numbers of really any player. I look at it as a team sport and entertainment. I watch all day Sunday, but that's about it. Rarely watch a weekday game because...well....i'm busy! lol...but I love the athleticism and the camaraderie that it provides. Nothing beats going to a game and talking shit with other fans...even if its fans of another team. These days, I look forward to football season...all the drama and intrigue and amazing plays that get 2 teams to the Superbowl. Can't beat it!!!